How I Spent My XMAS Vacation (Hint: It Involves Chocolate)

My desk, trash cans and kitchen counters are littered with discarded chocolate bar wrappers and fancy boxes.

It all started with an article, a week or so before Christmas, in the New York Times.

In a column headlined  “The Chocolate Wars,” food writer Kim Severson wrote about Kraft’s bid to buy the British chocolatier Cadbury.  In the event that Kraft’s offer of $16.2 billion is rebuffed, Hershey’s is waiting in the wings to make its move.

Needless to say, chocolate-loving Brits (who, by the way, eat twice as much of the stuff as U.S. fans) are freaked out about either possibility. According to the article “The prospect of Americans taking over production of their beloved Dairy Milk and Flake bars has sent the country into an emotional tailspin.”

But it was the quote from London Mayor Boris Johnson that actually got me started on my choco-binge. “We face an appalling choice of succumbing either to Kraft, makers of the plastic flaps of orange cheese, or to Hershey, whose Hershey bars have been likened in flavor — by independent experts — to a mixture of soap powder and baby vomit.”

Reeeeaaaaally? Soap powder and baby vomit?  Begging the obvious question – how does this bloke know what baby vomit tastes like? – I was fascinated by the comparison and promptly hustled out to my nearest supermarket – 45 minutes away from my mountain house in the boonies of southwest Colorado - to buy my first Hershey’s bar since, probably, 6^th grade.

After assessing that iconic slab (I swear I don't get any soap powder or baby vomit though I will admit it's missing the intense, pedigreed, percentaged chocolate flavor we're used to these days), I moved on to all the other chocolate gifts I received from family, friends and Santa, or that I was suckered into buying for myself while shopping for others.

 

Here, in plenty of time for Valentine’s Day shopping,  are some of the tasty morsels I discovered.

 Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Crisps. Nestled into a plastic, three-compartment tray, these Pringles look-alikes are not going to win any beauty contests. But the dark chocolate is rich and satisfying, and the paper-thin, curvy shape, speckled with puffed rice bits creates a party on your tongue. And if that’s not enough reason to celebrate, the Crisps cost less than 5 bucks a package AND give you 12 pieces for just 220 calories! Since these things are so rich, I figure most people will stop at six…meaning a serious pig-out for just 100 calories.

 

About 10 years ago, a part-time pastry chef, part-time ski instructor in Telluride, Colorado started playing with chocolate in her kitchen. Today, Patty Denny’s Telluride Truffle is a delicious success story with scrumptious candies, cleverly named, stylishly embellished and tucked inside elegant, emblematic packaging. (Truffles and boxes are shaped like a mountain range.)

The skiers and boarders in you life will flip over Telluride Truffle bonbons called “Alpenglow,” “Black  Diamond,” “Snow Capped” (a snow-capped ‘peak’ of dark chocolate with white chocolate filling scented with Myers run), and the all-white “Powder Day.”

(That's a Black Diamond truffle at the beginning of this post.) Folks who don’t give a  hoot about first tracks or moguls will flip, nonetheless, over the smooth texture and subtle flavors  -- including Jack Daniels, hazelnut, Grand Marnier, salt and tequila.

The Trio – 3 large truffles in assorted flavors, is probably the most popular choice at $12. The Fourteener ($44) is so called because there are 14 gorgeous truffles inside, and the 14,000-plus Mt. Wilson is just outside Telluride. There’s also chocolate truffle sauce and hot chocolate and cookies, which I haven’t tried. Check out the selection on the company's attractive and easy-to-use Web site.

 

Can’t afford the calories or the big bucks? How about a chocolate M&M’s chap stick (which is what we call call it even though there's just one ChapStick)? Yeah, well, it was news to me, too. Cosmetic company Bonne Bell has a line of “Lip Smackers” that includes chocolate-flavored lip balm, along with tubes dressed up like Starbursts, Skittles and Dr. Pepper.

Personally, I detest any “flavoring” in chap stick, but these things actually smell delicious and have a very subtle flavor that’s inoffensive. They're smooth and creamy, and they’re a pretty good conversation piece, too. A “trio” of Smackers is $4.50 on-line; somewhat cheaper at stores like Kohl's and Target.

Hershey’s is great when you’re looking for a chocolate bar to cheer you up or drown your sorrows. But if you’re looking for enlightenment, Vosges Haut Chocolat is clearly the way to go. These upscale bars and truffles start with the finest chocolates, then add a staggering variety of nuts, spices, herbs, teas and other flavoring agents.

I’m partial to the Gianduja bar, with almont and caramelized hazelnut paste; and the Naga bar with sweeet Indian curry and coconut in a milk chocolate base. But if goji berries, matcha tea, chipotle chilies, ginger or wasabi float your boat, Vosges has a bar for you. The company’s newest flavors involve applewood smoked bacon and alderwood smoked salt. Vosges is widely available at upscale markets including Whole Foods.  A bar is typically about $7; a mix-n-match selection of six bars is $37.